Photography and me

Photography. Just the word gives me the warm fuzzies. Ever since I was a little kid, I have loved taking pictures. I used to take my old 110 camera with me to school and take pictures of my friends. I'd also take pictures of trash trying to find the "art" in it (I never did find it). I joined my middle school yearbook committee. I took every photography class I could at my high school. And when I ran out of those classes, I started taking classes through community ed.

But when it came time to choose a career, despite living near Lansing Community College who had a great photography program, I decided to avoid photography. I remember my mom telling me I could look into photojournalism or I could take classes to develop it as a hobby. But I chose to continue taking photos on my own, but not to develop my skill very much.

What kept me back? Fear. Fear of failure. Photography is a passion of mine. I LOVE a good photograph. I LOVE when I see a beautiful scene with amazing lighting and I can crop the scene in my mind's eye. But I was terrified I could never reproduce these things on my own. I was scared I didn't have what it took to be good. Having a fantasy or dream is great until its ruined by real life. I didn't want to ruin my love of photography by realizing I was no good at it.

Now that I am an adult, I still love photography. I have taken a few classes here and there to try to keep up my basic knowledge. I have found digital cameras to be a blessing and a curse. Its wonderful to be able to see your photos immediately rather than going through hours of processing in a dark room (which I used to enjoy). But I learned how to take photos on Pentax K1000, a very manual camera with all of the knobs and options right out in the open. These digital cameras with hidden menus and settings drive me crazy! And don't even get me started on Photoshop. I have NO CLUE how to do anything in that program!! But I try.

As an adult, I find I am still being held back by fear. I took a class at LCC in 2010 and enjoyed it, but I questioned every project I submitted. I've done a couple of weddings and I loved the experience, but I was so nervous the entire time. I sold photos at a craft show and wanted to crawl into a hole the whole time! I am filled with doubt in my abilities every step of the way. I would love to make photography my job. My career. My life. But I'm not sure I can ever get over that hump of fear. Typing this all out, I can see the silliness. If it were a friend of mine saying this, I would tell them "Take a chance! You can do this! You'll never know what you can accomplish if you don't try!" Easier said than done.

So for now I will continue with my photography hobby and will gaze longingly at any professional photographers we hire wishing that it was me. And maybe SOMEDAY it will be.