Alone on the bus

This week was one of the first times I truly had to deal with my 4-year old daughter's social life. I was talking to my daughter about an upcoming field trip. I told her I was going to meet her at the site, but would not be riding the bus with her. She then burst into tears and told me she had no one to sit next to on the bus because her friend was going to sit next to someone else. She said she has no friends who will be there. I felt horrible for her. I had been in her shoes many times when I was a kid and totally shared her heartbreak.

It got me thinking about my own childhood and my social interactions. When I was very young, I had my "15 mintues" of fame. Well, not so much fame as popularity. I'm told that I was one of the "it" girls....in first grade. Yeah, that long ago. After that, things didn't really get bad, but they did change. As I got older, I got quieter. I wasn't really shy. With my friends, I would babble on and on about anything (usually boys). But when it came to everyone else, I was totally different.

My high school yearbooks are filled with sayings like "You were really quiet, but sweet.", "We didn't talk much, but you seemed nice." It was better than things I had heard before. In middle school, I was told by an aquaintence that I seemed "stuck-up" because I never talked to anyone. This shocked me. Stuck-up??? Me??? Absolutely not. The funny thing is, I tended to not talk to the people I respected the most! Everyone who I saw as cooler, smarter, funnier and more interesting were the people I barely talked to. I felt like I had nothing of value to offer to the conversation. I was never judging these people in a negative way. I was admiring their views, appreciating their opinions and was gaining from their knowledge. But because I wasn't adding much to the conversation, people didn't often think to invite me to the next conversation. I spent a lot of time alone. As I said, I had friends who I felt totally comfortable with, but there were many times that I, too, felt like I had no one to sit by on the bus.

Luckily, college (and alcohol) changed things. I often found myself rambling on about absolutely nothing to a group of people...then woke up the next day with a raging headache. But oddly enough, those drunken nights taught me that sometimes just contributing to the conversation is enough. I definitely wasn't a rocket scientist after a few Bud Lights, and yet people still seemed to enjoy talking to me (although, they had usually tipped back a few beers as well). This gave me enough motivation to start making more of an attempt to be slightly more outgoing. And it lead to the most fun years of my life (again, that could have just been the Bud Light).

I still find myself obstaining from conversations from time to time. I notice this the most when I'm tired or sick. Almost as if it takes too much energy for me to step outside of my comfort zone. But I can now hold a conversation with someone I barely know or someone who intimidates me. I sometimes walk away thinking "WHY did I say THAT?" afterwards, but at least I'm trying.

So, as I look back at my own life and social interaction, I realize that my daughter will be fine no matter what happens. She'll learn her own ways to cope with others and will have good days and bad days. I hope she can have more confidence in herself than I ever experienced and has yearbooks filled with things like "You are one the best people I have ever known!"

By the way, I talked to Kaitlyn's teacher who said she is doing fine in terms of friends. The teacher offered to sit next to Kaitlyn on the bus which made Kaitlyn feel very special. Thank goodness for great teachers!